Lately I feel like all I have been is a pent up ball of anger and frustration. I have been picking on my husband lately about his own anger and frustration, only to realize that mine has escalated out of control as well. I just want to be normal again, I want to be calm, cool, and collected, knowing that kids are kids, work is work, and all are things that I want and all are things that I am blessed for having. I know this in my mind, but when it comes to the in moment fit throwing that I do, I just can't bring those things in my head. It feels like negaitevity consumes me, and I don't want to be that. I want to be positive.
When my kids are screaming at night, and I just wanting to relax, I want to be thankful that at least my kids are happy, healthy, and capable of crying! When I have a stressful time at work, and can't let things go, I just want to be thankful I have a job. When all the stuff munges together and stress piles on top of stress, I just want to be thankful for all the wonderful things that I have, but lately that is not a natural thing for me. It is a very very hard thing to do, and something I have lost touch with.
Kristen said a comment to me this morning, that really hurt, but she didn't even mean to. She was being completely honest, and it wasn't even in an offensive context, it was just a statement that I knew, but was denying, and it hit home. She said to me that she used to look up to me and how I parent my childeren, because I stay so calm and collected and the kids listen. Then she mentioned, well not so much lately, but that is understandable. Like I said, it hit home because it was so true, it was so plain and honest, you couldn't help but hear it loud and clear. Thank you Kristen for saying that, because I think that may have been what I needed to hear, to realize just how much I throw a pity party for myself, rather then appricate all the greatness that is my life.
I am lucky, I am blessed, and I need to start appricating those things in the harder times, to center myself, and help me know the times will pass, and if I keep my cool, when they do pass, my whole family, including myself, will have been better for it.
Please friends, be like Kristen, help me stop being a full fledge pity party, and help me relate to myself and my kids in the most postive way imagiable, because that is really what I want, I just need to get out of the rut! I can take it, and though it may hurt at the time, but I need to hear it from other people, I need to see myself how my kids see me, because right now I am having a hard time breaking through and seeing it myself.
1 comment:
Oh girl welcome to being a mom of 3 children. Twins on top of it. Your are a wonderful mom never doubt it!
There is now Mrs. Clever, just regular people try to do their best.
I wish there was a secret to share, but you have the right attitude. Try to find non stressful events to do with the kids to get out of the house. Like a picnic at the playground. Sometimes they just need more or your time and generous love.
love you Aunt DeDe
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